Eight Wishes For 2008

A few people around the blogosphere have been tagged with an "8 wishes for 2008 meme". Although I haven't, and to be honest, I wouldn't know if I had, I struggled to get to sleep last night even once the fireworks had finished and so spent the time thinking of what I would like to see the New Year bring. I quickly gave up and thought up the following, which are the product of a sick and depraved mind. I apologise now unreservedly for any offense caused.

USA

1) In a final attempt to secure his legacy, President Bush appoints an unborn child to the supreme court. As the most lively member, the child upholds Roe vs Wade. Mitt Romney accuses it of flip-flopping.

2) Unhappy with the choice of Republican Presidential nominees, the religious right throw their weight behind Mullah Omar of the Taliban, after he agrees to ban gay marriage, prevent gun control, stop (female) illegal immigrants from holding driving licenses and oppose female presidents. A new era of inter-religious peace ensues, where the Abrahamic traditions agree to bury the hatchet and some atheists instead.

Socialism

3) Hugo Chavez, upset at not being able to run for a fourth term in his own country, runs for and wins the American presidential election on an anti-American ticket.

4) Fidel Castro is invited to the Oxford University Debating Society and turns up in a Che Guevera T-shirt.

Religion

5) Richard Dawkins finds God, but not his car keys. He writes a new bestseller, called 'The Fob Delusion'.

Closer to Home

6) Boris Johnson blows his mayoral campaign after describing London as "the a**ehole of England". He is immediately given the freedom of Birmingham.

7) Jeremy Clarkson is found dead in the Helmand province while attempting to drive through it with "Man Love Rules OK" written on the side of his car. The Tipton Taliban's new spokesman, Richard Hammond, claims responsibility for the killings. (Note: this is topical)

8) Birmingham City are not last on Match of the Day.

Happy New Year!