Brew Coup to Unseat Whitby

You may not have noticed it, but at the moment a coup is taking place in Birmingham that will culminate tomorrow at 5.30pm. Randal Brew, a Conservative councillor for Northfield, fed up of the lack of consultation from the current Council Leader Mike Whitby, has challenged him for the top job at the city council as originally broken by the Stirrer. With nearly one in ten unemployed in the city as a result of the economic crisis, Randal plans to deflate us out of recession by cutting 3000 jobs at the City Council, famously the biggest local authority in Europe and twice the size of the European Commission - a plan which is sure to enthuse the nasty party who would, if they chose Brew, look to be going down the route of Thatcher rather than the liberal Conservative traditions of Joseph Chamberlain which made this city what it is today.

The ruling self-styled "progressive partnership" Conservative-Lib Dem coalition (ConDem for short) who run the city are famously opposed to an elected Mayor which would "concentrate too much power in one persons hands".  They prefer the current system which would allow 49 Conservative councillors to elect the leader behind closed doors; presumably the Liberal Democrats will not get a choice.  Meanwhile, Birmingham's 750,000 strong electorate will only be allowed to make our views known next May when a third of the council seats will be up for grabs, which means little is likely to change and in any case we might be slightly distracted by the general election, which is likely to happen on the same day.  Nice to see democracy is alive and kicking in Birmingham, eh?

Targetting Benefit Thieves

I am fed up with the journalists swallowing the MPs excuses that it was "within the rules" What rule allows you to claim expenses on a house not in your constituency or in London? As politicalbetting points out:

1971 Guidelines:
The Additional Costs Allowance reimburses “for expenses wholly, exclusively and necessarily incurred when staying overnight away from their main UK residence…for the purposes of performing Parliamentary duties. This excludes expenses that have been incurred for purely personal or political purposes.”

The Green Book 2009:
Members are cautioned against instances “where they may appear to be vulnerable to criticism or accusations of impropriety.” It also reminds MPs that their conduct should be placed concepts of “selflessness, integrity, objectivity, accountability, openness, honesty, leadership.”

What has gone on is nothing short of benefit fraud. I expect to see MPs fined, imprisoned and generally made and example of. Perhaps a few could appear on the next government benefit fraud hotline campaign with a white circle around them and a finger pointing at them.

Should we be phoning this hotline (0800 854 440) with the evidence coming out and shopping our MPs?

Insuring Future Custom

Two years after purchasing my house, I finally got round this week to switching the home insurance to a cheaper deal (effectively halving my bill).  I was dreading phoning up the old insurance company to cancel it, expecting the hard sell to keep me.  I was pleasantly surprised that they did not bother and allowed me to cancel without even putting up a fight.  Against the generally received principles of capitalism (at least prior to the recent problems) this actually gave me a rather favourable opinion of the company, and makes it more likely that I will consider them in future.

Of course, being a deal that was negotiated through the estate agents, perhaps they just realised they had got what they could out of me and were happy to move on to the next mug.   Nevertheless, well done Groupama.  Other companies would do well to consider your tactics themselves.

How to Get Away with Murder

1. Join Her Majesty's Constabulary

2. Lose control in a high-pressure situation and, directly or indirectly, lead to the death of at least one innocent, law-abiding citizen

3. (Key step) Slander and libel those whose death you have been responsible for.  (Do not worry,  they won't be able to defend themselves)

4. Get your mates in the judiciary to limit the terms of the 'independent inquiry' (snigger)

For some fine examples of this technique, see Hillsborough, Menezes and Tomlinson.

Written on the 20th anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster.

City of God

Friday saw the announcement that the Archbishop of Birmingham, Vincent Nicholls, will replace Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor to become the most senior Catholic in England and Wales as Archbishop of Westminster. It follows a recent tradition of Birmingham being a training ground for seniority in the clergy, after John Sentamu took up the position of Archbishop of York from the Anglican equivalent back in 2005. I guess no-one can say Brum is a godless city.

Many people have commented that Vincent Nicholls is an ambitious man, who made a mistake by making it too clear he wanted the role. I have only met him once, at a Mass for Healthcare workers at St Michael's Church in the city centre, where I got the impression he was a deeply humble and spiritual man. I wish him well in his new role.

Facebook: the Private Government Database

Now I am convinced someone in the higher echelons is reading this blog!?

When Will the Aquatic Ape Theory Appear on the Horizon?

Watching Horizon last night about whether humans could unlearn their naked shame, I found myself amazed at exactly how complicated some of the theories have got that explain why we are a naked, bipedal, big-brained ape when the much ridiculed aquatic ape theory is a lot more elegant at explaining so much of humanities features. Having read the Descent of Woman, the aquatic ape theory explains:

a) that we became hairless to help us move through water
b) why humans and human babies in particular have a natural propensity to swim and dive
c) why we have a subcutaneous layer of fat (namely to replace the primary function of fur: to keep us warm)
d) why we walk on two legs (to keep our head above water stupid)
e) the origins of Ophidiophobia (humans often think of snakes as 'slimy' but in fact their skin is dry. Are we confusing them with far more poisonous eels?)
f) the origins of the hymen (to keep out water)

and possibly many more. Given how many hoops the scientific community have to jump through to justify the 'sweat-cooling theory' for example, I really cannot understand why the aquatic ape theory has not been gained more traction. Can it really be because it has mainly appeared hitherto in a treatise on feminist evolutionary theory?

One problem with evolutionary theories is that they can explain much but predict little. As a result, a lot of nonsensical theories can be proposed by so-called serious scientists. Is Elaine Morgan the misunderstood Darwin of our time?

ID Cards by the Back Door?

Perhaps someone in the government is reading this blog.

I once pondered whether Facebook was a private sector solution to the ID card: people sign up to it involuntarily, it is free and the government (or Facebook) can keep tags on what you are doing and who you are in contact with.

It seems I was in the right area, but had the wrong website. The government are using Twitter.

While creating the Twitter account for this blog (feel free to follow me!) I decided to follow the Downing Street Twitter site to see what the government were up to.

They immediately put me on their follow list!

Unperturbed, I put out my first tweet claiming the ProBrum's presence on Twitter was another step towards independence. That should put the wind up the London-based navel-gazing ruling elite bastards.

Let it Snow

I am not sure what it is about snow that excites me. Maybe it brings back memories of snowball fights and snowmen when I was younger. Or maybe it is because the familiar and commonplace look so different just for a while. Perhaps the whiteness of snow symbolises a purity and cleansing of the world; a rebirth of sorts . Whatever, it is a welcome change from the drudgery of daily life.

Calling all budding actors...

I have been asked by e-mail to advertise the following event which may be of interest to any West Midlands-based budding actors who read this blog. Please note that event has nothing to do with this blog and you should always take the appropriate precautions when submitting any details over the internet.

The Rage Ensemble present their next production

Our Country's Good

May 14th - 16th 2009 @ a Birmingham theatre

Now casting !! - Casting day Saturday Jan 31st - Open Workshop
audition 11am - 5pm, Birmingham, contact for further details.


YOU MUST BE 16+ (older than school leaving age)


The Rage Ensemble is Back!!!!!!! - an amateur arts organisation run by
Rage giving people of all ages the opportunity to work with
professionals to create productions using film, theatre, music....

We are putting on a production of 'Our Country's Good' and we need YOU!!!!!!!

A professional director will work with the cast to create a fantastic
show in one of Birmingham's premier theatres. The play will be
rehearsed at a central location, three evenings a week, culminating in
a fantastic opportunity to perform at one of the city's finest venues.

All 22 parts are to be cast, and that's where we need your help. If
you are based in Birmingham, and are an amateur actor, or are looking
to gain some on-stage experience, or are just looking to make new
friends and have some fun, come along to the open audition.

Register your interest by contacting us via our website
www.ocg.rage.org.uk with a picture of yourself (it can be any picture,
it's just for reference purposes) your name and age and we'll get back
to you with more details.

This is going to be a fantastic experience for all involved. If you
are interested in volunteering 'behind the scenes,' contact us with
your interests.

Contact us via www.ocg.rage.org.uk

A New Dawn

For a man renowned for his use of words, Barry did not half bungle the Oath of office.



Highlight of the inauguration speech:

"we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."

Headline from Blair's victory speech; let's hope this "one" is the real deal

Update 21/10: It seems I have been a bit harsh on Barack

Bloody Useless State-Head

Tomorrow will be George W Bush's final day as President and this is my tribute. The defining moment of the Bush presidency was of course September 11 2001. I will never forget that after Bush was told a second plane had hit the World Trade Centre, he sat aound for five minutes reading "The Pet Goat" because nobody had told him what he was supposed to be doing.



Conservative leadership at its best.

Heath-Go

The decision to build a third runway at Heathrow is another example of bad London-centric government. There are arguments a lot wider than the simplistic environmentalism vs the economy dichotomy perpetuated by the government and the green lobby; there are some specific issues about the very positioning and nature of Heathrow as well.

Heathrow is based on a Hub and Spoke model, which is fine if you are flying packages around the world, but goes against the trends of passenger flights over the years. For example, when I used to fly to India in the 80s I used to have to take a coach to London, a plane to Bombay International, a taxi from Bombay International to Bombay Domestic and finally a plane from Bombay Domestic to Goa. The whole journey used to take around two days. The last time I did this journey in 1999, I flew direct from Birmingham International to Goa and it took eight hours on a charter flight (only double the time it once took me to get home from work on the infamous day the gritters of Birmingham went missing). I have not flown from Heathrow since 1990 and from London since 1994. Now that I have got the option, I want to fly from Birmingham (or somewhere else relatively closer). For example, in 2006 I flew to Munich and it took around an hour. It would have taken me four times as as long to get into London to make that flight.

Ignore the Airbus A380, Boeing (who actually make money rather than being subsidised by the European governments) have been concentrating on smaller planes for more tailored flying and the budget airlines tend to be the most successful at the moment, flying full planes to smaller airports.

Heathrow also lies in an awful position to the West of London meaning flights come in and go out over Greater London to the continent which is far from ideal. A new airport (as some have suggested) on an artificial island at the mouth of the Thames Estuary would in my mind be a better solution.

A new runway at Heathrow is set in the old business mentality. An alternative would be to develop the smaller regional airports to take more of flights and/ or a high speed rail link as the Conservatives have suggested. I would like to see Heathrow closed or scaled down with a new purpose built airport replacing it. Yet again the rest of the country is being ignored while the government defends the one-trick wonder British economy that is the financial sector in London. A new airport would be a brave decision, whereas a third runway is just the easiest one.

As for the governments argument that they want to defend British jobs during the current economic crisis, given that it will take around five or possibly more likely ten years for the new runway to be built, one wonders how long they expect the credit crunch to continue.

Adapted from my comments on the Stirrer Heathrow new runway and terminal approval thread.

The True Meaning of Winterval

Sometimes, the People's Republic gets it wrong. One of these times, and the one that has caused the most damaged to my beloved Birmingham, is a tongue-in-cheek write-up about the politically correct Brummie creation (myth) that is known as Winterval. Back when I started this blog in 2005, I pointed out that if we were to set aside a day for Winterval, it should be the 28th December, which was in 1998 a Bank Holiday Monday in place of the Boxing Day which fell over the weekend, and was based on an Ed Doolan show joke back then where people were moaning about their bins not being collected. Sadly, I have to report that some people have quoted this post (on a forum no less!) as proof that Birmingham did abolish Christmas back in 1998 and replaced it with a Winter Festival - Winterval if you like - so as not to offend the Brummie ethnic minorities (of which I am one). Repeat after me:

Birmingham City Council never - I repeat never - abolished Christmas in favour of a new festival called Winterval in an act of political correctness gone mad.

Here are some posts testifying to this truth:

http://pigsonthewing.wordpress.com/2008/10/30/winterval-the-truth/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winterval
http://www.mattwardman.com/blog/2008/12/28/debunking-the-winterval-myth-a-creed-for-christmas/
http://humanistsforlabour.typepad.com/labour_humanists/2007/10/its-early-octob.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2006/dec/08/religion.communities

Happy belated Winterval everyone!

'Pool Romp to Title Win

It remains to be seen whether Manchester United's World Club Cup jolly will end up costing them the Premier League, but it certainly ended their Promroiship chances as they failed to play and take advantage of Liverpool's below average 32 point haul yesterday, handing the Reds the Promroiship title for 08/09 (for the rules and the reason we finish at Christmas, see here). Every winner of the Promroiship so far has gone on to win the Premier League in the same season. Will Liverpool's 18 year title famine come to an end with a Premier League and Promroiship double?

If so, the signs may not be so good for Arsenal's Champions League quest, as they blew a top four Promroiship finish on the final day after their one-nil win over Portsmouth featured as the penultimate match last night. Will the Promroiship table top five be indicative of their final Premier League positions this season?

With Liverpool and Manchester United finishing in the top two in the Promroiship this season, it looks like the Beeb, like the ITV Champions League crew, have lost their camera crews somewhere around the M62. Everton and Manchester City finished 10th and 11th respectively, although the latter's position may be undermined by the fact that in 20 rounds they only appeared on MOTD seven times - my instinct is that their needs to be at least 10 appearances on Match of the Day to be confident about the position of the team in the table, as it was generally after this number of games that the table tended to settle down.

At the bottom Steve Bruce made a prophetic comment about being last on Match of the Day last night (or was it a self-fulfilling prophecy?) which was apt as Wigan ended bottom of the Promroiship by a clear three points. In fact Wigan were in the bottom two for the entire season, and were placed bottom of the Promroiship table in 16 weeks out of the 20. The teams beginning with W took three of the bottom four places this season, with Middlesbrough ending second bottom for the second season running. Of course, as Motty might say, 'M' is a 'W' upside down, so it may not be unrelated.

There will be a full analysis of these results later in the week, but ProBrum congratulates the scousers on their maiden Promroiship win. Go out and paint the town red Stevie G... oh sorry, I see you already did.

Promroiship Results December 28th 2008 (Match of the Day Running Order)

Newcastle v Liverpool.......32
Fulham v Chelsea............40
West Brom v Tottenham.......48
Blackburn v Manchester City.24
West Ham v Stoke ...........24
Everton v Sunderland........16
Arsenal v Portsmouth........24
Bolton v Wigan..............16

The Promroiship - FINAL TABLE 08/09

Team..................Total...Apps..Average
Liverpool..............667.....15....44.5
Manchester United......484.....13....37.2
Chelsea................371.....10....37.1
Aston Villa............363.....10....36.3
Arsenal................614.....17....36.1
Tottenham Hotspur......309......9....34.3
Hull City..............493.....15....32.9
Portsmouth.............327.....11....29.7
Stoke City.............455.....16....28.4
Everton................331.....12....27.6
Manchester City........193......7....27.6
Fulham.................463.....17....27.2
Sunderland.............454.....17....26.7
Bolton Wanderers.......448.....17....26.4
Newcastle United.......334.....13....25.7
Blackburn Rovers.......420.....17....24.7
West Bromwich Albion...416.....17....24.5
West Ham United........278.....12....23.2
Middlesbrough..........381.....17....22.4
Wigan Athletic.........271.....14....19.4

Liverpool Lead with One Round to Go

Tonight we will find out who will win the 2008/9 Promroiship title after a full fixture list on Boxing day sorted the men from the boys. Manchester United closed the gap slightly on leaders Liverpool but it looks as if the scousers have sown up the Promroiship title, remaining over seven points ahead of their North West rivals. The week's big movers were Manchester City, who moved up four places after appearing first in only their sixth Match of the Day appearance of the season, although being involved in a six goal match meant they only bagged 40 points. Chelsea and West Brom picked up a huge 60 points each after appearing third on MOTD, moving Chelsea into the top four and West Brom up a place to 18th. Arsenal and Aston Villa consolidated their top five positions after appearing second on the Beebs flagship footie show, capturing 50 points in their exciting 2-2 draw. Tottenham dropped three places to seventh after their goalless draw against Fulham appeared last on Match of the Day, netting only 10 points. Wigan remain bottom after their 2-1 win over Newcastle appeared fourth-last on the Beebs flagship footie show, after two matches where less goals were scored, and bagging the teams only 10 points each. Surprisingly given a full fixture list, all teams managed to gain a positive number of points this weekend.

Promroiship Results December 26th 2008 (Match of the Day Running Order)

Manchester City v Hull City....40
Aston Vila v Arsenal...........50
Chelsea v West Bromwich Albion.60
Liverpool v Bolton Wanderers...40
Portsmouth v West Ham United...10
Stoke City v Manchester United.40
Wigan Athletic v Newcastle.....10
Middlesbrough v Everton........20
Sunderland v Blackburn Rovers..20
Tottenham Hotspur v Fulham.....10

The Promroiship Table after Round 19 (08/9)

Team..................Total...Apps..Average
Liverpool..............635.....14....45.4
Manchester United......484.....13....37.2
Arsenal................590.....16....36.9
Chelsea................331......9....36.8
Aston Villa............363.....10....36.3
Hull City..............493.....15....32.9
Tottenham Hotspur......261......8....32.6
Portsmouth.............303.....10....30.3
Stoke City.............431.....15....28.7
Everton................315.....11....28.6
Manchester City........169......6....28.2
Sunderland.............438.....16....27.4
Bolton Wanderers.......432.....16....27.0
Fulham.................423.....16....26.4
Newcastle United.......302.....12....25.2
Blackburn Rovers.......396.....16....24.8
West Ham United........254.....11....23.1
West Bromwich Albion...368.....16....23.0
Middlesbrough..........381.....17....22.4
Wigan Athletic.........255.....13....19.6

Play it Again, Sam

With only two rounds of the Promroiship to go with one tonight and one on Sunday, I can barely contain my excitement. Just like Kevin Keegan last year, big Sam made an immediate impact in the Promroiship as well as the Premier League with Blackburn's match against Stoke City featuring first and bagging joint maximum points. It did not raise them from fifth bottom, however, unlike Stoke who were the weeks big movers up two to tenth. The Claret and Blue derby solidified both Villa and West Ham's fifth and fourth bottom places respectively, but failed to move them up. Fulham dropped two places after their 2-1 victory over Boro was deemed worthy of last on Match of the Day. With all 20 teams playing on Boxing day, and 16 in Sunday, Promroiship-wise, there is still plenty to play for over the Christmas break.

Promroiship Results December 20th 2008 (Match of the Day Running Order)

Blackburn Rovers v Stoke City...35
Hull City v Sunderland..........20
West Ham United v Aston Villa...35
Bolton Wanderers v Portsmouth...20
Fulham v Middlesbrough..........15

The Promroiship Table after Round 18 (08/9)

Team..................Total...Apps..Average
Liverpool..............595.....13....45.8
Manchester United......444.....12....37.0
Arsenal................540.....15....36.0
Tottenham Hotspur......251......7....35.9
Aston Villa............313......9....34.8
Chelsea................271......8....33.9
Portsmouth.............293......9....32.6
Hull City..............453.....14....32.4
Everton................295.....10....29.5
Stoke City.............391.....14....27.9
Sunderland.............418.....15....27.9
Fulham.................413.....15....27.5
Newcastle United.......292.....11....26.5
Bolton Wanderers.......392.....15....26.1
Manchester City........129......5....25.8
Blackburn Rovers.......376.....15....25.1
West Ham United........244.....10....24.4
Middlesbrough..........361.....16....22.6
West Bromwich Albion...308.....15....20.5
Wigan Athletic.........245.....12....20.4

Merry Christmas 2008

ProBrum wishes all his readers a very happy Christmas. Enjoy yourselves!

Incredible Hull Boost Reds Title Chances

Liverpool extended their lead at the top of the Promroiship thanks to a thrilling four goal draw with Hull City that was deemed worthy of featuring first of Match of the Day. Rafa Benitez believes Liverpool have an 80% chance of winning the Premier League if they are top after Christmas; ProBrum gives the Reds a 95% chance of winning the Promroiship given how far they are ahead now. Manchester United had an entertaining no score draw with Harry Redknapp's new club Tottenham which only featured fifth but bagged the same amount of points, lifting the Red Devils into second and Tottenham up three places to fifth. At the bottom, Blackburn's result may have threatened their Premier League survival hopes, but losing 3-0 to relegation rivals Wigan gave them more exposure on Match of the Day and lifted them above West Ham who did not play. The result was not enough to lift Wigan of the bottom, however, but they did close the gap to West Brom to 0.1 points.

Promroiship Results December 13th 2008 (Match of the Day Running Order)
Liverpool v Hull City.........48
Aston Villa v Bolton .........24
Wigan v Blackburn Rovers......40
Sunderland v West Brom........24
Tottenham v Manchester United.48
Middlesbrough v Arsenal.......24
Manchester City v Everton.....24
Stoke City v Fulham...........14

The Promroiship Table after Round 17 (08/9)

Team..................Total...Apps..Average
Liverpool..............595.....13....45.8
Manchester United......444.....12....37.0
Arsenal................540.....15....36.0
Tottenham Hotspur......251......7....35.9
Aston Villa............278......8....34.8
Portsmouth.............273......8....34.1
Chelsea................271......8....33.9
Hull City..............433.....13....33.3
Everton................295.....10....29.5
Fulham.................398.....14....28.4
Sunderland.............398.....14....28.4
Stoke City.............356.....13....27.4
Bolton Wanderers.......372.....14....26.6
Newcastle United.......292.....11....26.5
Manchester City........129......5....25.8
Blackburn Rovers.......341.....14....24.4
West Ham United........209......9....23.2
Middlesbrough..........346.....15....23.1
West Bromwich Albion...308.....15....20.5
Wigan Athletic.........245.....12....20.4

Rovers Return for Reds

Have Liverpool effectively won the Promroiship? Although with the scoring system we use and the fact that it is averages rather than total points we rank by, the Reds have been leading since Round 7 up to a lead of just over 10 points in week 12 and while the gap has narrowed somewhat recently they have been leading by around 5 points (and usually significantly more) since Round 9. Another first on Match of the Day saw them extend their lead at the top, although Manchester United and Sunderland received the most points this week after featuring second with a one goal match, a result that sees the Red Devils move up two places and Sunderland four. The big losers were Manchester City, whose fourth appearance on Match of the Day saw them feature last and resulted in them dropping six places to 15th.

Promroiship Results December 6th 2008 (Match of the Day Running Order)
Blackburn Rovers v Liverpool....42
Manchester United v Sunderland..56
Hull City v Middlesbrough.......35
Newcastle United v Stoke City...21
Bolton Wanderers v Chelsea......28
Arsenal v Wigan Athletic........28
Fulham v Manchester City........14

The Promroiship Table after Round 16 (08/9)
Team..................Total...Apps..Average
Liverpool..............547.....12....45.6
Arsenal................516.....14....36.9
Aston Villa............254......7....36.3
Manchester United......396.....11....36.0
Portsmouth.............273......8....34.1
Chelsea................271......8....33.9
Tottenham Hotspur......203......6....33.8
Hull City..............385.....12....32.1
Everton................271......9....30.1
Fulham.................374.....13....28.8
Sunderland.............374.....13....28.8
Stoke City.............332.....12....27.7
Bolton Wanderers.......348.....13....26.8
Newcastle United.......292.....11....26.5
Manchester City........105......4....26.3
West Ham United........209......9....23.2
Blackburn Rovers.......301.....13....23.2
Middlesbrough..........322.....14....23.0
West Bromwich Albion...284.....14....20.3
Wigan Athletic.........205.....11....18.6